I know that how I feel isn’t necessarily a reflection of reality. I know I have no reason to believe my GP is actually tired of me and will tell me to find a new doctor when I see her Monday. I know going to the spot I dream of ending my life at isn’t a healthy coping strategy. I know dreaming of ending my life isn’t healthy. I know I should eat better. I know I should exercise more. I know I should go outside more than 2 or 3 times a week.
What else do I know?
I know how I feel is absolutely my rrality right now. I know I cry worrying about the only health professional who listens to me leaving me. I know the spot I dream of ending my life at calms my mind. I know dreaming of ending my life brings me peace. I know I don’t have the motivation to eat better. I know I don’t have the energy to exercise. I know going outside even 2 days a week is an accomplishment right now and more than 3 is next to impossible.
It may not look like much to anyone else, but I am trying really hard. I know what everyone says I need to do and I know what I am up to. I am doing more than I am up to right now. Without help, this is the best I can do and the fact that I am still alive must mean I am doing something right?