Good Help is Hard to Find

I am not really in the mood to write this evening, but I thought it might help.  For the last couple of weeks my mood has been dropping.  I was so optimistic when I left the hospital.  I thought ( and I honestly think my doctor really believed) that I would have great support in the community.  I have not felt like that support has been there.  Maybe I am expecting too much?  

    So here is my weekend so far.   I was feeling really low yesterday so I called my case manager for support.  She wss away but they put me through to someone covering for her.  I told him I was really low and needed support.  I told him my suicidal thoughts were strong.  He said “life is sweet.”  I said “my life sucks.”  He laughed at me!  I got off the phone quickly and cried for an hour.  I cried because of him but mostly I cried because I am asking for help and not finding it.
    Yesterday afternoon I went to the ER.  I did not feel safe at home alone so this seemed like a good option.  The ER was very busy but at least I was in a safe place.  After waiting 4 hours, I talked to the medical doctor.  I realized it would be another long wait to talk to psych so I asked him if I could just go to AAC.  That is part of the hospital and they are the main contact point for accessing mental health outpatient services.  They are open 24/7 to help people as well.  
    A half hour later I was at AAC.  It did not take long to talk to someone either.  We had a great talk and I asked for them to call me each day this weekend just to check in.  That is a service they offer and she said they would be happy to.  
    It is now Saturday at 7:30 and I have not heard from them at all.  
    The thoughts that no one cares and I will never get better are quite common for me.  My experiences with the mental health system here since the hospital at least serve to provide reinforcement to those thoughts.


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