Sunny Days

   It looks like spring has finally arrived.  It is supposed to be sunny and warm right through the weekend, which is a long weekend here.  It feels like we have not had more than two sunny days in a row for months.  This is great news for anyone whose mood is weather dependent, but I think there is a common misconception that all depression is helped by sunny weather.  Speaking for myself, it can actually exascerbate my depression.

     This week is a good example of that.  These sunny days are starting just when my mood happens to be at a very low point.  I had a very tense meeting with my doctor and case manager on Monday.  I left feeling not completely heard or understood.  Long weekends are particularly lonely for me and last weekend I hid at home all day alone for my birthday.  This has all added to a mood that has been dropping the last couple of weeks.
Now that I know the weather is turning nice, in my mind that means the entire rest of the city will be outside with people they care about enjoying activities together.  A walk to the store or a trip to the library will only confirm these feelings.  Everyone I see will be happy and enjoying life.  Of course that is probably not reality, but it is my reality.  I am glad they are happy, but I can not imagine me ever being that happy again.  
     This has not always been my reality.  It may not be now if I had not been so “highly functional” for years.  Instead of hiding my true feelings, I could have talked to someone and looked for help before it got as bad as it is now.  I can not change the past, I can only hope I can get help moving forward.  Maybe a spring will come when I look forward to spending sunny days in the park or at the beach with my friends.  


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