I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
-Robert Louis Stevenson, “My Shadow”
I have a discharge plan. In two weeks I will be home and until then I will be spending more and more time in the real world.
I am feeling much better than when I came into hospital but a little unsure about being out and on my own. I will not be totally alone, I am supposed to get a mental health team to work with after discharge.
Yesterday I took the bus downtown to the library. Going across the bridge into downtown brought back the feelings of when I tried to jump. The doctor said I may never be completely free of suicidal thoughts but with the work I am doing and the medication, the thoughts should not be as strong or prevalent. I guess depression and suicide will be my shadow, but I am learning how to keep them from controlling me.
Today the occupational therapist worked with me to identify some group activities I may want to join after discharge. No matter how my stay here started, they are really doing a great job to get me ready to be back in the community. The stay here has been more beneficial than I could have imagined it would be.