When the light turns green, you go.
When the light turns red, you stop.
But what do you do when the light turns blue with orange and lavender spots?
-Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic
Another Saturday, but this one has not been as quiet as the others. Right after breakfast this morning I went home for a quick check in. It was my first time home in a month. It was kind of weird after being away so long, but thankfully I made it there and back without any issues. I went away from the campus the hospital is on for the first time last Thursday and had a panic attack then. After being on the ward for such a long time it is a bit of an adjustment going back into the world.
Now I am back on the ward. Patients get discharged regularly and new ones take their place right away. The new ones usually do not have passes so they are always on the ward. Most of the latest new ones are much younger than me and that makes it harder to really connect with them. There are a couple of patients here that I talk with but not as many now. It also seems that the newer patients are louder and more rambunctious. I am finding myself in my room more when I am on the ward because it is relatively quiet and peaceful.
My doctor told me yesterday that she has applied for health care supports for me after discharge. That has me thinking that discharge will only be a week or two away. That thought makes me anxious but at the same time it will be nice to be in my own place. I will still be quite alone socially, it will take time to build those connections. There is a wonderful couple that lives not far from me and a very kind and warm mother who reads this blog and sends me notes. At least I can say I have these three great people in my corner!