Pick up your room, my mother says
(She says it every day);
My room’s too heavy to pick up
(That’s what I always say).
-Mary Anderson Hoberman, “Pick Up Your Room”
I am starting to get into a routine. I now have unlimited 15 minute breaks and today the doctor gave me one 30 minute break a day and my clothes. That means I can go to the store or coffee shop and back. It is actually a little scary, I haven’t tried it yet.
I see my psychiatrist each weekday morning and I started seeing a psychologist today. During the week, there are 3 or 4 scheduled groups each day that I can choose to attend. Some are sort of therapy groups for mental health and some are arts and crafts, social or exercise groups. Even those are more about learning things that will help in coping with problems that come up.
I think my problem is one main issue (and just to be very clear, being a trans woman is not an issue in my mind at all!) and when others are added to it, it all gets overwhelming. My one problem is always there and is usually manageable until other problems are added in.
Yesterday was a really bad day because the one main problem was brought up in a way that really bothered me. It was inadvertent, but I don’t yet have the coping skills to manage. I ended up going to the nurse. I was given drugs that calmed me down and actually let me sleep over 12 hours. My doctor was happy that at least I went to the nurse. I wouldn’t feel safe in the real world. I am afraid my coping strategies there would not be as benign as seeing a nurse.
The psych ward is actually not a horrible place right now. It is starting to feel safer and safer.