Old Feelings

I wish physical a physical transition changed old thought patterns, too.  It’s not that easy, though.

I have known I am transgender for years, but I have fought it.  All the rationalizing really accomplished was a delay in what was inevitable for me and a lot of mental anguish.

Unfortunately I am finding some of those same thoughhts sneaking up on me, even now.  I cannot describe how happy it has made me to finally be me, but I those old rationalizations still come up.  Maybe I am not really trans and it was this or that that made me think this way.  

It is ridiculous because the evidence of my current life clearly shows that I am now more comfortable annd happy with myself than ever before, yet I still give these thoughts a place in my head.  

I have read of people who say you aren’t tranns if you have doubts like this.  I want to say that these doubts are about being human. I am without question a transgender woman and I am sure I am not the only one who has had these thoughts.

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One thought on “Old Feelings

  1. I think you are right. It’s human to have these thoughts because it happens to everyone about all sorts of things. For instance, I have suffered from depression for most of my life, I take medication for it and life is good – but I still wonder “do I actually have depression, or am I just weak and self serving?” We constantly question ourselves, and it’s a pain in the butt! And of course in the back of my mind, despite all evidence to the contrary, there is a voice who asks “Izzy, transgender, really??” Sorry that voice is in your head too Jodi 😐

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