No, it’s not a typo, I have realized that my transition is plural. I think bra shopping helped me realize this.
Last weekend I went to a lingerie store and bought a bra that actually fits well. The big thing about that was just going into the store and explaining what I needed. At the time, it really wasn’t a big deal, but that is what makes it such a big deal. Four or five months ago, I wouldn’t have gone into the store, and if I had, there is no way I could have asked for what I needed.
When I realized that, I thought about why. The store staff is probably no different, I wouldn’t know but I can assume I would have had the same service. It is entirely me that has changed. In the last several months I have gone through a very important transition. This one wasn’t physical, but the transition I have been focused on couldn’t happen without this one.
Months ago, I was ashamed of who I am. That had been the case for years. I wouldn’t have gone into the lingerie store because I would think the staff and other patrons would be just as ashamed of me as I was of myself.
With a lot of help, some pretty scary moments, and paying attention to myself, I see that my shame was not earned or warranted. I spent years not doing things I wanted to do or being who I am because I felt I was wrong somehow. I really did build a prison for myself and made sure I stayed locked in it. Transitioning from that to where I am today has been freeing. No wonder I feel lighter now. I figured everyone would feel the same about me as I felt about myself if they knew. I never gave them or myself a chance.
I am so happy I took the leap and made that transition. In a way, that was a bigger change than the physical will be. It was definitely more personal, it is not something anyone else can really see. Maybe they can see some indications, but not really the magnitude of this change.
One transition down (even though there is probably still to do), I wonder how many I have left to go through?