Waiting in Line 

Right now everything seems like a waiting game to me.  It is all moving so much slower than I want.  I have to step back and remind myself that it hasn’t been that long.  I am further along at this point than I ever thought I would be.  At the beginning I could have never dreamed it would progress this quickly, but now in the middle of it, it seems to crawl along.

The health system is very slow.  There are long waits for every step.  This is in no way meant as a criticism for anyone in that system.  Every person I have dealt with, from the scheduling people on the phone, to the various social and support people to the healthcare providers have all been great.  You couldn’t ask for a better group of people to go through this with.  I am not even convinced in my mind that the system is bad.  I really do wish for more funding and more options in Canada for care for transgendered individuals.  There is a real need, but there are so many needs in the healthcare system.  I wouldn’t want to be the one setting the priorities for the limited funds.  Any chance I get, I will let people know that trans health needs much more attention, but I also understand the limitations of the system.

Right now there is about a six month wait for hormones, years for surgery.  There is a free program with a speech pathologist to help you with your voice, I expect at least a year to a year and a half wait for that.  

These aren’t the only bottlenecks by any means, though.  Finances create the next biggest slow downs for me.  I have to deal with limited resources as well, and set my own priorities.  The other big slow down I am running into right now is my own body.  I could push faster than I am, but I have chosen to listen to my body and take care of myself.  One example would be giving my face a break from shaving and makeup between electrolysis sessions, giving it time to recover.

As impatient as I am, maybe all this is just a time to catch my breath.  It gives me time to appreciate what I am doing, to transition mentally into my new life and to just look around and find joy where I am right now.  Whether I move forward or backward, I will never be in this exact place again, maybe I won’t have another chance to learn the lessons my current discomfort is trying to teach me.  I have to try to take advantage of where I am now.  All of my wishes won’t change it, and I am moving ahead still.

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