It was a beautiful summer weekend in Vancouver and all I wanted to do was hide inside. I keep trying to remind myself that I am only a couple of months into my transition. Not being able to go dress as I wanted to this weekend is not the end of the world. I am lucky it has only taken this short time to go out at all.
I did have some things I had to get done, so I had to go out dressed in my old clothes. I can’t wait to get rid of those clothes and the life they represent. I almost talked myself out of a couple of errands. I didn’t want to do them dressed like I was. In the end, I had to get them done, so I forced myself. What a change. Before I accepted myself, I had the same arguments with myself, but to convince myself that I should only do things presenting as male. Now I only want to live presenting as female.
On the way to the grocery store, I ran into a couple I know. I haven’t seen them in so long, it was great to chat, but I was so self conscious because if how I was dressed. After the store, I got back home and hid until this morning. I spent the time making room for my makeup and new clothes. Even if I couldn’t dress how I wanted, doing little things like that gives me some comfort. Besides, when I am alone, if I don’t look in a mirror, I am dressed however I want. Imagination is a great thing!
Oh yeah, one other thing makes me feel a bit better, too. Before bed last night, I painted my toes. Now I am on my way to work with lilac toenails. Something to keep me smiling no matter how Monday turns out.