I haven’t done a good job posting here lately. I am going to try to do better now, no promises.
Just in the last couple of weeks I have made some big decisions in my life. My curiosity about gender is still there and I still do not have a good understanding of why it is so important. I will continue to look for answers to those questions.
My big decision came because I finally realized why I couldn’t be my true self. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be, that desire has been there for years. I was being held back by beliefs that I claimed as my own but never agreed with. These were beleifs given to me in my childhood that do not serve me now. I have finally gotten to a point where I can separate those from my true beliefs. I can recognize where those came from and that I don’t necessarily have to agree or live by them anymore.
I have decided what I have known for years and years, I would be happier living as a female. This decision has of course brought up a lot of questions for me, but it has quieted the turmoil in my mind. I am so happy and excited not for a new life, but for the life I was meant to be living all along. It is not a new life, because it is who I have been underneath the mask I show the world.
I have started taking steps towards this life, but it is very, very early. I am going to try to keep this blog as a journal of my transition, or maybe a better word would be revealing the real me.